* I've found e brightness,iz always wif me... *

4 days of camp... i enjoyed it so much so tt 4 e 4 whole days, my mind nv so much of drift anywhere at all, not even 2 my warm n cosy bed n aircon at hm... no... not even mum n dad... sounds so impossible but iz true... i totally loved e planning com cos we work hard n strive tgt 2 make it a success, tian en shi de, lao mu ci bei... it has nv been smoother... which is wat we thot impossible... many progs r still not finalized n e whole stage play iz suppose 2 b a big mess... miraculously, iz near 2 perfection... n juz minutes b4 e real show starts, we're still havin rehearsal n mikes r not working properly, lines forgotten etc etc etc... in e end, e performance was e bez we performed yet... ok iz definitely NOT a miracle, iz e strength of God, which makes e impossible possible... as long as we thoroughly put our faith in God, everytink will b fine... through e play, many of e actors cried... i almost did 2 but held e tears back, cos iz a shame 2 cry in front of so many pple, i'll nv do tt... n den dere's tis session where we share wat revolves ard our lives now n how r we coping... i din realli wanna share cos i noe my eyes will turn red... in e end, i was e last 2 share, dere's no escaping... n luckily i did so w/o e red eyes cos i left out quite alot of details... n den ZZ called me out n say we need 2 talk... n den we talk, 1 to 1... n den i finally poured out wats been troubling me so long, wat i'm struggling wif, my fears, my selfishness, my wants, my plans, everytink... my eyes were red but i hope ZZ interpret tt as i'm tired (we onli had about 3 hrs of slp everynite during camp)... iz a success of holding back my tears... but now, even though iz been poured out, when i tink about it, i still feel like crying... it is sumtink i thot i'll nv b able 2 tell any1, not a single soul in e world, cos i couldnt tell my bez frenz, they wun noe wat i'm talking about, i couldnt tell my religion bez frenz, cos i will seem so weak n vulnerable, which is a total opposite of e image i always portray, capable n confident, always e right mindset, a model 2 e BYs... ZZ asked me if i had cofided in my religion frenz(tong xiu), i said yes, xiaoer... which is a lie... i dun confide stuff like tis 2 any1... onli 2 God, which i thot iz gd enuff... ZZ told me my approach 2 tt prob is right, how i'm tt gd n mature 2 handle it tt way... upon hearing tt, i realli wanna cry out loud... cos it makes me sound so wei qu, but i dun wan myself 2 feel tis way cos everytink done, every decision made, iz 4 myself n for God... i cant say/tink i'm wei qu tis way... now everytink iz over it still bring tears 2 my eyes upon e thot of it... i hope ZZ dun tell it 2 any1 thou i noe it will definitely b discussed wif e XTYs...

anyways, c camp is over now n i'll b rather free... i suppose... n i suddenly feel so lost... e camp comm r such lovely pple u wun believe it... we worked as though we're e bez of frenz n wheneva any1 falls short of any resposibilities, another 1 comes in 2 hold it immediately... no1 complains, no1 scolds, no1 looks down on e other... iz a great feeling... n definitely iz e grace of God tt i'm part of it too... i'm soooo looking forward 2 e debrief n camp sharing... iz been a gd experience n a great learning op n nxt yr, i'm definitely doing it again!

# posted by icyash | 7:27 PM | 0 comments