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Monday, November 26, 2007
Grumblings
i dunoe how shld i start or shld i juz start wif all e grumbling n nitpicks... after so many times of experiences like tis n how could i still b taken aback by selfishness from even ur closest, er... fren at work? colleague? i dunoe wat 2 categorize her under... i nv wanna talk bad about any1, but as u c i'm no saint YET, i'm still v much human made wif flesh n blood, i sumhow need 2 let off sum steam 2 prevent exploding on sumbody 1 day... well 2 protect tis person's identity, i will not mention her name here... cos even if i were 2 put e name here, i suppose no1 noes whose she either...
i've actually been putting up wif her quite abit after my dear sw left... she doesnt talks 2 me at all if we're tgt... i've been observing for wks n probably months... when we meet 2 go off tgt, she nv speaks a single word, she doesnt gif a single smile, not even a brief split second of eye contact... on e contrary, a long face on times... those days i have 2 reassure myself tt she's probably having a hard morning or e likes, cos who doesnt have bad days?? iz juz tt perhaps her's iz juz a lil more... n tt's how i convince myself 2 put tt outta my mind... n den i had 2 put on e frenliest smile as thou i'm in e greatest mood juz 2 get a smile outta her n break e ice... n den comes coversations, tt nv were initiated by her... since e v 1st day wen i knew her, dere wasnt a single time or a single greeting tt was initiated by her... n bcos u c i dun haf gd mood days all e time i get pretty annoyed by it sumtimes... so i'll juz walk on wif her in awkward silences tt i do not want to break, onli hoping tt she will start on sumtink... but tt sumtink nv nv came not matter how long e silence was... n den came sum contents of conversation either face 2 face or email... n she throws me into a state of confusion as 2 whether is she tis or that... iz contradicting but i dun haf e heart 2 expose her... n contradiction sumtimes makes me wonder r those lies or...??? juz 2 show sumtink... i dun wish 2 doubt her words, but for thinkers like me, i usually dun leave contradictions like tt alone unless they r realli difficult... n den dere came incidents wen we get busy wif work... i can onli say i will nv place work in front of frenz(whether they r close or not) wen they need serious help... i m even willing 2 put down my work (as in workplace's work) whether urgent or not, 2 juz purely chat wif dem wen they juz come 2 me, either they want 2 talk or they're juz free or they need 2 ask me tinks... but she wun even spare me a single min of her time when i juz need 2 ask an important simple question wen she's doing any work b it urgent or not... most she would do is look elsewhere wen talking 2 me... n wen we work tgt i had tis feeling she's not willing 2 listen 2 me teach juz cos i'm younger, but she'll have 2 b fierce 2 me while she's teaching me stuff, when i'm perfectly following wat she said n yet she can complain 2 me how mean n impatient lml n ls is treating her... n e biggest prob is tt, she doesnt even sound like a close fren/colleague in e office anymore while we're working tgt... even in emails wen she's informing me work stuff, she had 2 change her font 2 black n block... yes i noe about drawing a line between private n work, but i dun c others doing tis 2 me... n i dun believe private u can b nice n den work u gotta b mean...
n den today iz a big storm out dere n fine tt she's rushing work for lml tt i'm gg out alone... but i din expect a storm like tt in such a short time cos i'm packing food back 2 office, n den i'm stuck at e place where i pack my food n deres no shelter 2 anywhere at all cos iz pretty much a building by itself n i called her in hopes of her coming 2 save me... n here's our conversation over e phone:
me:"hello, u r still in office rushing work huh??"
she:"ya"
me:"oh, wat time r u coming out 2 buy lunch??"
she:"not so soon, i gotta rush work. iz raining outside ar?? u nv bring umbrella??"
me:"er... ya i'm stuck at chinasquare."
and den a long silence... i'm waiting 4 her reply, iz pretty obvious i hope she can come n save me... isnt it?? n again it was me who broke e silence...
me:"oh den nvm nvm i'll find a way back."
n den another long silence...
she:"orh ok..."
n she hangs up...
i was alone, cold, n rather helpless... i noe hw is not in raffles place cos she had 2 go sumwhere 4 meeting, still, i msg her... n even thou she cannot come, she offered alternatives 4 me... she gave me jeremy's no n ask help from him... but in e end he's also stuck sumwhere w/o umbrella... n so i stood dere for like... half an hr, lookin at e rain getting heavier by e min... but i manage 2 run back eventually thou abit wet...
m i realli petty 2 b angry over tis?? but u tink about it... ur closest fren at e place u r working... n she can do tis 2 u?? if she's not tt close mayb i wun b tt disappointed... her work for lml could b so important... i dunoe... ok fine, mayb it is realli so important den me getting soaking drenched dripping wet n catching a cold... or mayb she doesnt noe wat kinda storm is it out dere... or juz mayb her work is realli important tt lml's gonna kill her if she comes out 2 save me for juz 5-10mins... seriously, fine!
bcos i sincerely believe if she could juz explain 2 lml tt i'm stuck in a storm, i'm sooooo sure lml will definitely ask her 2 go... i'm almost 95% sure about tt... lml mite b abit strict about work, but she has a 100% kind n compassionate heart...
well sum of e tinks listed here, i did tell her as well, but her reason/excuse being "i'm so sorry but i'm a zi bi person. how i wish i could b like u, who can smile n talk 2 juz any1." when she fully well noes i'm also once zi bi juz like her... n she gets envy about others while she's totally not doing anytink about it when i gif her chances 2 n again her reason/excuse "sorry but i'm like tt 1"... i do not noe wat 2 say anymore n i hope tis will b e last time i'm complaining about her...
or i shld realli b reflecting on myself for grumbling so much about a person over such petty tinks... ok steam is let out, n so i will learn 2 love her...
